Last week was all about letting go for me. Last Wednesday, despite the official farewell party being last month, was my last working day at Weleda. So handing in keys, laptop, cards and car. It all felt very final and of course it is. Why do we generally have such a hard time letting go?
Letting go
For nine months I have known that this day was coming. I have not regretted that decision for a single day and yet... Last weekend I gave Kelly's family a tour of the building and the garden. When I talk about Weleda later, they will at least have an image of it. Why is letting go so hard? This is exactly what I want, isn't it? Underneath the difficulty of letting go is a piece of fear. What if traveling is not our thing? Will I ever get such a good job again? Will I ever find an employer who is just as socially responsible? Can I leave my children and other family members behind? I now know what I have and I choose so much uncertainty, is that wise?
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The trees and the leaves
The past few weeks I have of course been thinking about it a lot. Every day was all about transferring and final appointments and saying goodbye. And every time you think: I can let it go. But the funny thing is that the more you actively work on letting go, the more you actually hold on to it. In the sweat lodge (A sweat lodge ceremony is a ritual used by Native Americans in preparation for important events) they often talk about allowing it instead of letting go. Just like the trees in the fall. They really don't let go of their leaves. No, they allow the leaves to let go of the tree. If you allow it, you are not so tense about it.
Of meaning
If you are really deeply attached to something, whether it is a person or a job, then separation hurts. Of course you can trivialize this: No, it was just work or no, I always knew that we would break up one day. Or you can get angry: my partner is really a big &%# I never want to see him/her again or my manager was so &%# happy that I am gone. But if you do that, the time together has actually been pointless. Then you could have spent your time better somewhere else. If you separate lovingly and take your time to grieve, then the time together can become very meaningful. The time I worked at Weleda had a great positive influence on my personal development.
"Letting go is not always necessary, letting go is usually enough"
Future
Now this all sounds very heavy but on the other hand a lot of responsibility has been lifted from my shoulders. Only when you have really stopped working do you feel how heavy that burden actually was. We are also now at the beginning of a fantastic adventure. For seven years I have been working on later. And what if you never make it to later? Now later has really started. Stopped working and at the end of this month, when Kelly has also stopped working, our big adventure that we have been looking forward to for so long will start. We are so looking forward to it. Bring on future, I will gladly allow those other things to let go of me.
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